Gallup, New Mexico to LA

Good-bye Days Inn. You treated me kindly.


Rarin' to go on Day 2.


Planning ahead, wearing long sleeves so that my arm didn't burst into flames.


New Mexico desert.


Entering Arizona. The desert, she's big.


Arizona landscape.


Indian craft shops, cool geology.


More desert.


Rocks.


Driving into a sandstorm in Arizona--the desert, again.


The other side of the sandstorm--snow-capped mountains.


The Country Host Restaurant in Flagstaff, Arizona. Del's Diner's got nothing on this place. The chorizo and eggs were delectable.


Hitting the home stretch.


Entering Kaibob National Forest.


Driving down into the bluffs.


The first palm trees, just outside of Ludlow, California. Speaking of which, I didn't realize I was in California until I ran into the California Inspection Station. I pulled in and the officer asked me where I was coming from. I could barely hear him from the hours of being pummeled by the wind. Then he asked me if I was transporting any plants or animals or if I had any fruits or vegetables. I thought, "Who in the hell drives around with those kinds of things?" Then, about 10 minutes later, I realized I had a bunch of bananas riding shotgun with me. Oopsy-daisy.


Driving into the California hills.


My first taste of LA traffic. Pretty fun stuff.


Downtown LA--not as big as you might think.


Billboards are everywhere the eye can see.


Why go to two places when you can get both homemade soups AND homemade jelly at the Hungry Fox? LA is A-OK with me!


The Simpsons out enjoying the sunshine.


Finally: (Tad's) Home Sweet Home.


The church across the street.


Your typical LA parking sign. Piece of cake, right?


And thus, my first LA parking ticket. I've officially arrived!

The 'Ta to Gallup, New Mexico

And...begin! "On the run from Johnny Law. Ain't no trip to Cleveland." I shoved off from Wichita right around 9:30 this morning. I couldn't have asked for better road trip weather--clear skies, 80 degrees or so. Got a little bleary eyed with the folks. Eh, bound to happen.


Kansas, Land of a Thousand Wheats, I'll miss you dreadfully.


Blackwell, Oklahoma--I once spent the night in a van in the parking lot of this outlet mall (circa 1998):Perry, Oklahoma features small town charm and a unique downtown:


I started to get a little wind-blown after a couple of hours:


I got the first big rig of the day to honk at me after I conveyed the international gesture for "honk at me." Then I went about 0 for 25 the rest of the day. My high esteem for truck drivers suffered until I realized that all the truckers were looking down at this:


Does the Messiah give sailing lessons? Sign me up!


Shortly after I learned about Jesus' nautical abilities, I saw this:


I thought, "That must be the biggest cross in the western hemisphere." Until, that is, I saw this sign a few miles down the road that read, "Now approaching the western hemisphere's LARGEST CROSS." They weren't kidding:

I can't tolerate intolerance:


Wind turbines outside of Oklahoma City:



Oklahoma red soil:


Texas:


Shamrock, Tex. Everything was Irish-themed:


You know that old saying about Amarillo, Tex.? "Don't take a picture of the American Quarter Horse Association or you might miss it." Well, I pretty much did. Not a lot going on:


Texas steers:


Getting more wind blown:


Terraces in western Texas:


Texas tumbleweed farm:


New Mexico:


If you're ever in Tucumcari, New Mex., I suggest you swing by Del's Diner. The #G Plate is almost entirely edible!:


I think they call this "one-man cabin fever":


This is a picture of Smith's Food and Drug's sign. Somebody might have a copyright infringement suit on their hands:


It was getting dark and my trigger finger was getting a little slow, but this is my attempt to take a pic of Karl Malone's Toyota dealership just outside of Albuquerque, New Mex.:


The Dancing Eagle Casino 30 miles away from Gallup:


My horribly burnt left bicep and forearm:


My digs for the night, the Days Inn:


12 hours down, 12 to go!

Miscellany:

Things I spied along the way:

Hitchhikers: 4
Cyclists: 3
Love's Country Stores: maybe a hundred
Road kill:
-Skunks: 2
-Turtles: 1
-Snakes: 1
-Rabbits: 2
-Armadillos: 4
-Foxes: 2


OK, I'm calling it a night...

A Shorter History of Monday

Monday (pron. IPA: /ˈmʌndeɪ, ˈmʌndi/) is the day of the week between Sunday and Tuesday and, occasionally, Thursday. It gets its name from the Moon, a tiny planet often mistaken for a large ball of cheese, which in turn gets its name from Mani (Old English Mona), the Germanic Moon god who, according to legend, whipped Zeus in the face with a horse whip.

While many people lament the existence of Monday, it is, in fact, an actual day. Many of history’s most important events, approximately 1/7 of them, occurred on Monday. The year 1834 has recently gained special recognition from scholars after the discovery that there were no Mondays in that year, but rather either two consecutive Sundays or two consecutive Tuesdays. Scientists and cartographers have as yet been unable to explain this phenomenon.

A Short History of Wednesday

Wednesday is the third day of the week according to the international standard ISO 8601. This day typically falls between Tuesday and Thursday. Although pronounced "Wensday," the word is spelled with a silent "D," often called the "phantom D" by historians. (See Brett Favre.)

The name comes from the Middle English Wednes dei, which is from Old English language Wēdnes dæg, meaning the day of the English god Woden (Wodan) who was a god of the Anglo-Saxons in England until about the 7th century. Woden was known for his trickery and powerful sneezes. Additionally, he was known to "hump" as he walked, which may be the reason Wednesday is referred to as "hump day" by Westerners. Wēdnes dæg is like the Old Norse Oðinsdagr ("Odin's day"), which is an early translation of the Latin dies Mercurii ("Mercury's day"), and reflects the widespread association of Woden with Mercury going back to Tacitus.

While scientists have been unable to prove that Woden probably never existed, they have proven that Wednesday does exist, at least in the hearts and minds of people who keep track of "time." Wednesday is also a popular day to play games, such as trivia contests, during which it is common to eat, drink, and be merry and sing songs such as "Wednesday, Come Hither to My Heart," penned by Sheryl Crow after the battle of Urtheron. After the battle, in which Krenda was enslaved in the highest tower of the Castle of Norman, Crow had a vision of Woden, on a Wednesday nonetheless, and wrote the song while on horseback, according to fable.

Fun Facts from the Annals of Kettlesworth!

Inauguration Fun Facts:

1. George Washington was inaugurated while treading water in the Delaware River.
2. The Inauguration of Millard Fillmore was postponed due to inclement weather. The inauguration actually took place in 1857, four years after his presidency ended.
3. Ronald Reagan was sworn in by Miami Dolphins QB Dan Marino.
4. Teddy Roosevelt's inauguration speech is the shortest on record: "Win the day!"
5. James Monroe rode a heifer to his inauguration to show the people he was "common."
6. Herbert Hoover chose to sing his inaugural address to the tune of Al Jolson's "My Mammy," his favorite song.
7. James Polk insisted that the entire population of the United States be present at his inauguration, earning him the nickname "Jimmy Vanity."

8. President Obama was the first president inaugurated on a zeppelin.

Groundhog Day Fun Facts:

1. The first recorded sighting of a groundhog was in 1639 by adventurer Adam Smith.

2. Groundhogs can grow up to 18 ft. long (tail included) in Scandinavia.

3. Although there have many beloved "Punxsutawney Phils," Phil #28 (1958-1960) was so inept at predicting the weather that he was guillotined after only three years of service.

4. Woodchucks would NOT be able to chuck wood if woodchucks could--they lack the motivation and stamina.

5. Groundhog pelts were long thought to carry evil spirits in parts of Asia Minor.

6. Bill Murray became so enamoured with Punxsutawney Phil during the making of Groundhog Day that he named his third son "Buck."

7. The Finnish word for groundhog translates to "sad-toothed criminal."

8. Teddy Roosevelt commissioned groundhogs to build the first Panama Canal, which failed due to structural imbalances.

Guns or B*itches

I was watching TV today and stumbled across Stanley Kubrick's "The Shining," a movie that I've probably seen a dozen or so times, on the A&E network. In one scene Jack's talking to the poltergeist bartender about how he broke Danny's collarbone once due to a "momentary lapse of muscular coordination." At one point Jack calls Danny a "son of a bitch"--at least in the uncut version. However, in the edited, A&E version, Jack calls Danny a "son of a gun."

"Really?" I thought. This is the same movie in which waves of blood flood the elevators and halls of the hotel, Jack makes out with an old woman whose flesh is rotting off her bones, Jack puts an axe head in a man's spine, and so on, and so on. I got to thinking--there's something a little ironic about the standards the FCC has created for editing mature content. Now, it's not that I necessarily want to hear the phrase "son of a bitch" in it's unadulterated form while I'm watching movies about maniacal axe murderers; it's just that I think it's odd that someone, a person who's job it is to decide these types of things, looked at "The Shining" and said, "Tuxedoed man fellating and man in a bear costume: OK. But 'bitch' has got to go."

I spent quite a bit of time with my nephews over the holidays, and there are definitely certain things on TV that I'd rather they not see. Would I think it's OK for my 4- and 6-year-old nephews to watch "The Shining" since the word "bitch" was edited out of the movie? Absolutely not. But that's not really the point. The point is that somebody at A&E went to their editing man and said, "Johnson, we've got to get this picture ready to air on television, OK?" So Johnson goes to work, edits out "bitch," makes a handful of other changes, and takes the reel back to his supervisor. The supervisor watches the edited version, sees the blood, sees the disturbing sex acts, sees that "bitch" has been edited out and says, "Fine work, Johnson!" Something just seems off with that.

I'm not arguing that everything aired on TV should be completely unedited. Well, maybe I am. The reality is that everyday life is crude and shocking and inappropriate at times. And the good and decent and kind and caring are the ones who are tasked with dealing with the difficulties of life. Namely, I'm talking about parents. I had the misfortune of being revolted by an example of what I would call bad parenting recently. (No one in my family, thank the Maker.) By the time I heard, "Get your ass off the stairs!" yelled at a 2-year-old for the tenth time, I was thinking, "That poor kid's going to have problems when he grows up." (But at least he won't hear "bitch" in "The Shining"!)

The other issue is: Have you seen what's on TV these days? (Here is where I slip into my Andy Rooney impersonation.) Pretty much everyone I know has been deploring the likes of "The Real World" and "The Hills" and whatnot for quite a while. I understand that these shows are guilty pleasures, and I certainly have my fair share of guilty pleasures. But, seriously, every time I happen across VH1 or MTV any more, there's some ridiculous show on that has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Whatsoever! The premise of all these shows seems to be "Let's cram the most vapid, superficial people we can find into a house and make them compete in demeaning, embarrassing contests to win a prize that no person in their right mind should ever want to win!" Am I right or am I right?

But back to the original point: Flip through the channels any given day and you're bound to see a couple people being blown away with Uzis, maybe a stabbing, a decapitation if you're lucky. But really, what's more damaging and disturbing to the psyche of a child? A curse word, or a homicide? I would argue the latter. And how about a murder or a nipple? In that case, I would argue the former. You can see 50 men get hosed down with a Gattling gun, but a nipple? That's unacceptable! We all have them! I have them. You have them. Elaine Benes and Jerry Seinfeld and Kramer have them. So what's the big deal? Call me what you will, but I've never been offended by a nipple. And it's not the breast that's the issue. It really is the nipple. I know this because I saw "The Graduate" on the other day, and they showed the go-go dancer. Everything but the nipple. Even in the context of a married couple making love it would not be allowed. But isn't the act of making love the most intimate, loving experience two people can share? I did, however, see "The Red Dragon" on TV the other day, and I saw Ray Liotta sitting at the dinner table with his head peeled like a melon and his brains glistening in the light. And I saw Robocop on TV and saw a man get his jugular ripped out.

And we can turn on the Discovery Channel or Animal Planet and see every creature on God's green Earth procreate. Lions, elephants, dung beetles, yellow-breasted warblers--you name it. But a human's nipple? Out of the question! Again, I'm not arguing that pornography should be broadcast on NBC, I'm just trying to wrap my head around this.

I guess what I don't get is how, generally, violence gets the OK while other less-offensive, in my opinion, acts get the kibosh. Now, I think we can all agree that Jack shouldn't have called his son a "son of a bitch" or a "son of a gun." But of everything that happened in the Overlook Hotel, was that Jack's greatest sin? According to the FCC, the answer may be yes.