(1942-1981)
Donald Xavier Hickey, or "The Hickster" to his friends, was a man of principle; that principle being absurdity. And who could blame him? Born in the quaint town of Gilgamesh, Virginia, in the winter of '42, DXH entered the world in absurd circumstances that would forever color his life from thence forth. His mother, pregnant with the Baron of Clarksdale's bastard child, and having just lost her job as a barrel tester, attempted to end her own life by riding one of those very same barrels over the edge of Gilgamesh Falls to her demise. Instead, however, she went into labor mid-fall, birthed young Donald, and landed softly in a trout net. The trout fisherman in whose net she landed welcomed them both in to his simple, yet rewarding life.
Donald saved money for college by adopting his makeshift father's trade, fishing the waters surrounding Gilgamesh for trout, salmon, and especially bananafish until he had enough in the piggy bank to attend Virginia Tech University in his nineteenth year. There, he met Cassandra Evens, the wildly charismatic captain of the cheer squad, and found himself quickly and hopelessly in love. On just their third date, a double feature of vampire movies at the Rose Cineplex, Donald would ask Cassandra to marry him. She said yes, and, being so overjoyed, Donald swept Cassandra up in his arms, said--inexplicably--"Count Dracula says, 'I do!'" and began sucking her neck. Hence, the modern-day "Hickey" was born.
Donald and Cassandra then moved to Los Angeles, where, ironically, they earned money as movie extras in vampire movies. In a fitting yet tragic end, their lives were cut short when they simultaneously died of blood-clotted neck veins in 1981.
